I find people so annoying! Everybody is just so disrespectful! Why can’t they just be nice? I hate that my friends smoked in MY car!Or, I hate that someone scaped the queue I was standing in. I hate when people give me their work to do….
Does this sounds familiar to you??? OR….
“People are so mean! I always do things for them, why they won’t do the same for me? Or, I always put myself last, why others won’t put themselves last for me? I always do favors for people, and when I ask them to do it for me, they refuse. They are so ungrateful…”
Can you resonate with it???
Well, let me tell you something, people are neither bad nor good. They are people. They do things to suit them, without realizing that you might suffer because of it. Or they might not be aware that they are hurting you. This does not make them bad. Everyone likes to have an easy life. Everyone will enjoy things that make them at ease or when they don’t need to put much effort but yet things get done. Let’s be honest here, who on Earth would not like it or would say no to it? Nobody!
This is not other people’s fault how YOU get treated. It’s not up to other people how you get to feel because of them. They do not have any power over you unless you give them.
If you didn’t like how you were treated or how someone behaved in your presence, rather than blaming them and getting annoyed at them you need to ask yourself: Did I tell them I did not like it? How did I communicate with them my boundaries? Was I assertive? Did I say ‘no’? Did they asked me to do it, or did I say to myself I will do it even though I knew deep down it was not convenient for me?
Let me give you a very simple example to explain what exactly I mean.
You are at the coffee shop with your friend, the barista is asking you what kind of coffee would you like? You are telling him that you do not mind, any coffee that he will make, you will be happy with. He is looking really confused now 😊
But without questions, he is making you a Latte Coffee. You take the coffee and you sit with your friend at the table and you start to give out to your friend about how terrible that coffee is. Because you don’t like milk and you like your coffee extra strong only with a bit of sugar.
This is not the barista’s fault that you didn’t get the coffee you like. Nor it’s the coffee’s fault. Coffee is just a coffee, one might like it and another might not. But that is just a matter of preferences.
The point is that it is entirely your fault that you didn’t get what you liked or expected. Because you didn’t communicate how would you like your coffee to be. No one can read your mind, no one knows what you like, or what you want unless you tell them. Expecting people to know what you want without telling them is just an unrealistic expectation because no one can read other people’s minds.
Boundaries and expectations
Very often we do not communicate with people, we don’t tell our friends what we want or need. And then we feel disappointed if they didn’t meet our expectations. If you hold any expectations, you need to take responsibility for it. Communicate it with people.
It’s the same with boundaries. If you want people to respect your boundaries, personal space, your choices, firstly you need to tell them what they are. People won’t know unless you tell them. Speak about your boundaries more freely! Treat boundaries as a safe space for everyone… for you and the people around you. Make your life safe and enjoyable for you by communicating your boundaries. Because that is the role of boundaries, they help you create a safe space for yourself.
Be more assertive, it’s your life. Have boundaries and communicate what they are. If you hold any expectations, you need to take responsibility for it. Otherwise, they will lead to disappointment. You got to live the life that makes you happy. And the only way to do it is to speak about it and act on it.
I am not saying this is not a fearful idea… Yes, it is! But don’t run away from it or try to avoid it. Feel fear but still do what you got to do in order to not feeling so disappointed all the time. Start looking after your needs. Start to look after yourself!
With Love Always,