Motherhood! Oh my Goodness! Let’s be honest… the way it is described in social media or television is so far away from reality! Motherhood, the topic is so well known to me as I am a mother of two, but yet I am not sure how to describe it or what to type here. The first word that comes to my head is “Roller Coaster”. Yes, I think this is how I would describe motherhood. A roller coaster with no end, no stop, no manual, no seatbelt. You just go with the flow hoping for the best! A roller coaster of emotions, roller coaster of a day, roller coaster of life…
Emotions of motherhood
So many different and contradicting emotions regarding themselves and their children… Children can be exhausting, they can take a lot out of our energy. I somewhere read that children are both “energy-sucking demons and life-giving beings, all at once!” I couldn’t agree more with it!
Children are amazing, wonderful, delightful, loving, and every mother is proud of their child. But at the same children are tiring, overwhelming, and demanding.
Things that are obvious and logical to an adult mind are confusing or completely not understood by a kid. They are developing rapidly while taking in the whole world and learning so much, so fast. Children move from curious to overwhelmed to scared, excited, and full of joy at rapid paces. They require explanation, understanding, patience, and structure.
Mothers will be obsessed with their children and at the same time, the children will drive her crazy! They will push her to the edge but yet the mother will be in love with them unconditionally to the end. So, the emotions of being tired and delighted go back-to-back through the majority of motherhood… Roller coaster alright!
The reality OF MOTHERHOOD
The minute a woman becomes a mother, her whole perception of life changes, her life changes and there is no coming back. Her concept of herself changes. Very often her identity changes. Motherhood can be so consuming that the new role of the mother becomes her identity. One day she has no idea who she is anymore but ‘the mother’. Her role becomes her identity… Does this sound familiar to you?
The mother is lost, confused, afraid because she has no longer connected with herself. The feminine energy is asleep. She is forgetting who she really is, she is forgetting her dreams and the purpose. Motherhood becomes the purpose. (And for many mothers that is truly the purpose but for many it is not). Every time the thought of doing something for herself crosses her mind, the feeling of guilt is creeping in. It is not easy.
The good-enough mother
In times where people favourite perfection, it is extremely difficult to accept imperfection, especially when comes to motherhood. Mothers are afraid of judgment and of making a mistake. They feel responsible for everything they and their kids do, say, and feel.
Often mothers are not feeling worthy of themselves, they do not feel good enough. Exhaustion takes away motivation. The guilt takes away the joy of wanting to do something for herself. The love they feel for their kids is the only fuel for them.
But no one told them that the mothers don’t own their kids. Their kids have their own life. Yes, as a parent our job is to prepare our children to the adulthood but our kids are a separate entity. We are connected with them through the special bond, but that doesn’t change the fact that our children don’t belong to us, they belong to themselves. I know it is hard to accept it.
The first time I heard about it, I nearly felt offended by it!
- ‘Excuse me! My kids are mine!’ I said in a panic.
- ‘Not exactly my love’. I heard back.
Only when I was able to hear it out, I was able to make sense out of it. And you know, it was a challenge for me. Because I was a very invested mother. I was invested in my children. They were my everything, and they still are but I learned how to love them wisely and how to spread the love I can give, equally between them and myself. Now it feels right. I am me again, (only a better version of me). And I found balance, integration and harmony in my motherhood, in myself, in my marriage, in my business, in my life.
Motherhood can be and probably is the most difficult job ever! The fact that we are responsible for another human being, for their well-being and healthy development is an overwhelming and mind-blowing concept. However, it can be done in a much easier and healthier way for ourselves. You can love your kids and love yourself at the same time. You can be a loving and good enough mother even when you take time for yourself and to chase your dreams.
I am preparing something really special for mothers, something I haven’t done before! I am so excited about it but be patient, I will be posting more information about it on my social media platforms.
With love always