When your Inner child is healthy
The inner child is part of our psyche. We all have it as it is a part of our personality. The concept of the inner child is the core of our being, it influences our adult life, behaviours, beliefs and perceptions of ourselves and the world. We all have an inner child within us because we all have been children. The inner child symbolises our character where we feel the most vulnerable, open, trusting, needy, playful, joyful, spontaneous, kind, sincere, and naïve, also inner child always has good intentions.
When our Inner child is healthy, we believe we can achieve anything, our self-concept as an adult is healthy, we feel confident, and our attachment style is secure. We feel worthy, we can form good, healthy, and loving relationships. Furthermore, we are not afraid to take risks or to get out of our comfort zone. We are not afraid of being abandoned or rejected. When our inner child is healthy, we tend to like ourselves more as we feel more connected to ourselves and the world, and it’s easier for us to be authentic. As a result, we can feel truly happy, fulfilled, and whole.
When your Inner child is wounded
This all sounds good, but the truth is that the majority of us have experienced some kind of childhood trauma, as a psychotherapist I see it every day. I see people who might be struggling with anxiety or low self-esteem, but when we dive a bit deeper into their lives, almost every time I meet a very vulnerable, and hurt inner child. And only through the process of psychotherapy those people realising that they have had childhood trauma.
What is important to note is that not every stressful situation will lead to trauma, but every traumatic event is very stressful. I think this concept itself sometimes can be confused or misunderstood.
If in your childhood you had experienced trauma, but that trauma was never healed, addressed, named, or acknowledged, you end up with a very wounded inner child. As a result, all of the above personality traits are being locked down or blocked. Simply because ever since that childhood trauma, you have been in survival mode.
For the wounded inner child the main goal is to survive. The playfulness or openness part is being shut down as your inner child no longer perceives the world as a safe place, and the new belief that people cannot be fully trusted is being formed. As a result, you are no longer ‘being’, curious and free to explore the world, you are more in the ‘doing’ mode, to survive. We can function, we can still achieve things and “life goes on”, but the truth is that we can never be fully happy or free when our inner child is wounded. We can’t be fully happy if part of our psyche is hurt, distressed, and in emotional pain.
The connection with Childhood trauma
Wounded Inner Child impacts your life and your perceptions leading you to self-destructive and self-sabotaging behaviours. If you have experienced childhood trauma that you never healed, your inner child is deeply wounded which will show up in your life daily through behaviours like:
- people pleasing
- afraid to set boundaries
- not trusting people
- finding it hard to have a close connection with others
- overthinking everything
- trying to predict every situation
- not getting out of your comfort zone
- having people on a pedestal
- not feeling worthy
- having low self-esteem
- having anger outbursts
- not knowing what you really want or who you really are
- feeling anxious or having panic attacks
- starting new things but never finishing them
- avoiding conflict at all costs
- staying invisible
- not feeling safe
I often see it in my work… Adults who are so disconnected from the inner child part of themselves, and this disconnection creates an imbalance, disrespect, despair, sorrow, internal suffering, and confusion as to what our identity is.
When we are disconnected from our own inner child, childhood trauma can never be healed properly, as a result, we are living in survival mode, suppressing our emotions.
We are afraid to reconnect with our inner child because we are afraid to feel those painful emotions again, so we subconsciously are choosing to stay ambivalent about our internal world, convincing ourselves that there isn’t an issue or trauma to heal.
Those lies we tell ourselves… our mind after some time will believe in it, but you can never lie to your body… Your body knows that this is a huge illusion, your body knows it’s a lie… So, it tries to tell you so but sends a message through different emotions…
To stay “loyal” to you lies you disconnected from your body, and you have been in your head for a long time…
But then you realize that doesn’t work long-term either… It doesn’t make you happy or peaceful at all… In fact, you are actually in more despair than ever, by engaging in self-sabotage behaviours… Yes! It all comes from your traumatized, unhealed inner child…
Moreover, if your childhood trauma is not healed it will show up in your life daily, in your relationships, and through your triggers. Living in a state of the wounded inner child is living in the state of survival mode. Which is not healthy for your well-being.
Healing your Inner Child is the most important work you can do for yourself
The “inner child” is part of your psyche and soul. It’s the most vulnerable part of ourselves. It’s the part where our childhood trauma is stored.
Inner child work always involves trauma healing work, it’s deep but at the same time, this work will set you completely free from:
- the old wounds
- the past
- the fear
- unhealthy beliefs
When you have a wounded Inner Child, you are constantly living in a state of survival mode…
Also, you don’t feel fully alive or free, your life looks like a constant battle for survival…
That is not a loving way to be or live… You can’t fully know yourself if you are living out your past, emotional pain, and unhealthy beliefs…
Healing your Inner Child is the most important work you can do on yourself… It will allow you to:
- become more authentic with yourself
- feel connected with others and yourself
- heal your old wounds
- set you free from your past
- understanding yourself and your emotions
- stop being afraid of living
- get out of survival mode