I am sure that you have heard that you should love yourself, many times. I am sure you heard that self-love and self-compassion are very important. And that you can’t love somebody unless you love yourself. But what does it really mean? For many, those are just empty words that don’t mean anything.

How many times did you hear that you are really hard on yourself and that you should be kinder to yourself? But what does it mean to be kind to yourself?

It all sounds amazing but how do you put it into practice? Sure, life isn’t all about fairy tales, and we have jobs to do, and live in the reality, right?

Is this your reality?

Sometimes, however, we are so busy with our everyday life that we are totally forgetting about ourselves and our needs. We are running between creches, schools, work, shopping, cooking dinners, doing homework with the kids, preparing lunches for the next day, let’s not forget that on top of that there is washing and cleaning to do.

The braver and more courageous us also have pets at home…

When the evening comes we are trying to catch up the day with our partner, having a conversation about how their day was at work…. These are only the everyday tasks… nothing more. It’s hard to make it be “more” if we are struggling so much, with exhaustion and no time for ourselves. It’s hard to think about what we want and what our dreams are when our existence is based on autopilot.

The ”I”

It’s like the minute we start working and having family, the “I” stops existing. It’s like your life stopped there and then. We are living our life feeling like our life doesn’t belong to us anymore. We feel like we have been pushed out, and became shadows of who we were when we were 20 years old. And the only “break” you get to take is once a year when you are going on a family holiday to a sunny and beachy country. The 2 weeks feel like you are only starting to relax, but it’s time to go back… and then you tell yourself: “It’s time to go back to reality” …

Is that how you planned your life? Is that what you wanted to be or to have? Do you really honestly think that this is what life is about?

How can this be a fulfilling life if there is no YOU! How can you be happy and enjoy like where YOU are lacking?!

My own experience

There was a time in my life when this is exactly what I was doing, I was living like life was a boring and difficult necessity. I was exhausted and was acting out of autopilot. One time I and my family went away for a holiday, and on the day of coming back, I had this thought that I don’t want to come back to my reality… I wanted to stay and live this dream life!

That moment was my awaking moment! I remember saying to myself: “Sylwia if you feel like you need to take a break from your own life because you don’t like it then obviously something went wrong!… I don’t want to have a life where I feel I need to take a break from it. What if I could have my dream life? How would my life have looked like then”- I asked myself?

I started to dream and imagine things. I used my imagination, visualization, and creativity to create a life where I would feel like I don’t need a break away from. This really changed my feelings. All of a sudden I started to feel the excitement! I shared my thoughts and ideas with my husband, and looked at me amazed, he smiled and said what he always does: “Darling you do what you feel like you need to do, you have my full support!”

That was one of the most significant moments in my life! I have changed my/our life by 180 degrees. Today I have a life where I don’t need to take a break. If I am going on holiday, it is because I want to see, experience, and explore new things, cultures, foods, and people. Today I am loving my life, today I am proud of the woman I have become.

But the question is what really has changed?

I have. If you want your life to change permanently, the change cannot be circumstantial. The change needs to be internal. Once I knew what I wanted, once I have established what really matter to me, I could then see what really needed to change. It was me, and the way I was perceiving myself, and my life. I needed to change my relationship with myself, I needed to see myself as a worthy and valuable person, of the life I wanted for me and my family.

Where to begin?

We all know that true change comes with small steps. I have divided my big vision, and my goals into small steps and those steps into “to-do lists”. Because of it, every week I was feeling like I am getting closer to the life I wanted to have. But really what was happening, as I had to believe in it first. I had to believe that I can have it.

I had to feel like I am worthy of my dream life. The life I wanted already existed inside me, all I had to do was to generate it in my physical 3D world.

Step by step I was learning to like myself more and more. I was learning to accept myself without judgment. I had to let go of the “not good enough” feeling. But I also had to stop underestimating myself.

Self-care the priority

Moreover, as part of my self-care doing, I started to be more kind to myself. In the beginning, it was very difficult. Let’s be honest for someone who was thriving for perfection and wouldn’t accept any mistakes from themselves or other people, the concept of “kindness” was totally alien! But I tried, and tried, and didn’t give up until I mastered it!

If I wanted to cry, I would allow myself to do it, without guilt. When I wanted to be left alone, yes allowed myself to be alone, having 2 kids it was a challenge to find some time just for myself, but I did it. If I wanted to eat the piece of cake I would give myself permission to do it, without checking the scale 5 minutes later!

Different perspective

However, as I am typing this article for you, my heart warms up, and I am smiling… I am smiling at my soul... I feel compassionate for that very young woman. Now she feels safe and heard. I see her. I hear her. And I feel her. She is healed… I love her. Because of her, I am who I am today.

The book and Master Course

In my book, I am exploring this process in every detail. I am guiding you on how to change the way you think and feel. I am showing you that you are more than your ego. And I am showing you that you are more than your past experiences and traumas. You are more, and for that, you can be more, and do more! You are not what you have done, but you are what you have overcome!

On the 22nd of February 2022, I will be launching a brand-new course for people, who want to change their self-concept. This Master course is for people who are not happy with themselves but would like to change that. It is for people who are struggling with the feeling of not being good enough, but who want to overcome that limiting belief.

It is for people who want to finally feel good about themselves and feel strong and empowered again.

This Course will be available on my website, my Facebook Page, and Instagram. The links to all of my pages you can find below:

Sylwia Kuchenna Facebook

Sylwia Kuchenna Instagram

With Love as always,

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