“The secret codes to happiness” is my latest book and if you haven’t read it, you may want to read this revealing interview and discover how it can change your life. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy the trip to your deepest self.
Your book says “you are not what you have done, you are what you have overcome” explain that…..
People often identify themselves with the things they have done, good and bad. They believe that past experience often says a lot about them, and for that, they cannot change. They allow the past to rule their present or even the future. But that is not the truth. None of the past experiences is defining us or who we are.
(For example, people with a difficult childhood, with a traumatic experience, are not their trauma. They didn’t have any control of what was happening to them, but yet they survived). And this is what really matters. It is not what happened to the person but rather how they overcome whatever they had to overcome. It’s their reactions, their resilience, determination, the ability to forgive others.
On the other hand, I am sure you know lots of very successful people, and people with lots of degrees. But all those degrees don’t define what kind of person they are. It is just one of the accomplishments that they decided to do but the degree itself doesn’t say a thing about them. What matters is who you are while you have this degree. What did you learn about yourself while doing those accomplishments? Did you become more ignorant, or did you learn that you are a hard-working person, that you don’t quit when things get difficult?
Your book is about stopping people becoming a ‘victim of life’- what is this?
Many people allow their life to pass them by. They are alive but they don’t feel it. They react and respond automatically, without giving it a second thought. People live their life based on fear. They are afraid to make decisions, to say what they want. They are afraid to have an opinion on something, they are afraid to be visible. And as a result, they don’t take any responsibility for themselves or their life. They are afraid to be judged, or to make a mistake, or to take a risk. It’s like they are living in limbo.
When people don’t take responsibility for themselves, they blame other people for things happening to them. They constantly looking for other people to validate them, they fight, they force things, they pretend, they want other people to feel sorry for them. They want other people to fix their life. They believe that life owns them something. That life isn’t fair. People who don’t take any responsibility for themselves they constantly looking for excuses. And that is what I mean in my book when I refer to a life victim.
What small changes can you make to your everyday thinking that can change your life?
That’s a very good question. First of all, you got to pay attention to your thoughts, and you don’t allow your thoughts to take control over you. By making small but conscious decisions you are taking over the control of your life, which will empower you.
Concentrate on the small and simple things, because that is the basis of our life. Small things give meaning to our life. The most important thing is TODAY! A thing that is close, things that you have here and now. Because from those small things we gain the most enjoyable moments. Every day try to spot those little moments, slow down, let them into your heart.
Enjoy the first ray of sunshine, enjoy the first sip of your morning coffee, enjoy the smell of a nice perfume and coconut soap. Enjoy petting your dog or cat, enjoy the sound of the rain. Enjoy the deep conversations with your partner. Enjoy spending time with your kids. The list goes on.
How can your mindset help you achieve your new year’s resolutions?
Your mindset is everything. Because how you think and how you perceive yourself, is what you believe, and what you believe is how you make your decisions. This is programmed deep in your subconsciousness. This is why when people make a new year’s resolution, they need to ask themselves why they want to do or achieve what they said they do.
If it is for somebody else, then it will never work, because subconsciously there is no value to them. If subconsciously person believes that he is not worthy of doing it, or that the task is too big, then the new year resolutions will last a week maybe 2.
The mindset needs to be positive, full of kind and supportive thoughts. But at the same time, the task needs to be doable. If you never eat healthily, and you never exercised before, but you want to start doing it, it is not a small change, it is a whole new lifestyle, that won’t change over a week. It will take time, so your mindset regarding yourself doing and changing it needs to be positive, supportive, kind, and loving. Otherwise, you will only add to what you already believed, that you are not capable of doing the things.
You speak about awakening the inner wolf- what is this?
We all have many different layers to our psyche, mind. All of them needs our attention. Our job is to keep a healthy balance between them and to help heal what needs to be healed in ourselves.
One of them that the majority of people heard of is the inner child- it doesn’t mean that we have a child inside us, that’s only pregnant women have. 😊 The inner child refers to the psyche that is vulnerable, needy, pure, innocent, playful, trustful, hopeful, soft, and loving.
So, in my book, I am referring to the inner wolf, which is another layer in our psyche. It refers to the stronger part of us, the part that is wise, steady, stable, confident, reliable, fair, the part of us that have the capacity to omit any obstacle and any difficulties, the part of us where we find our determination and willingness to do things. It almost feels like we are fearless.
When all the layers of our mind and soul are congruent and looked after by us, then we become whole, that’s how self-actualization is happening. That is how our SELF is building and creating. And when the SELF is created and is allowed to bloom then we are whole.
For people who feel stuck in their routine, how can they change their mindset?
My first suggestion is to ask yourself the question How? How come I feel stuck. What is really stopping me? Why I feel the way I do. What is really happening inside me? What am I trying to hide? What do I not want to admit? Those types of questions will always get you on the right track because they will help you connect with yourself. You cant change anything if you don’t have self-awareness.
Once they will know the answers they will know what is required from them to change their mindset. If not, then I recommend the therapy, to help them reconnect with themselves, and to find the answers they need. Because therapy very often is about reconnecting and healing ourselves.
What influences our decision making?
The simple answer to that question is our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is our internal program uploaded in our childhood. These are our life codes. Our subconscious beliefs rule our lives and our perceptions of ourselves and our life.
The good news is that we can change our subconsciousness. It is easy but it is not simple.
My book is available to you on Amazon and on my website www.psychotherapykuchenna.com